Apathy Towards Domestic Abuse...
We all have known someone who has been or whom we thought might be a victim of abuse. We saw the signs. The black and blue marks, the swollen black eye, the broken arm in a cast, maybe there were ribs that were broken or knocked out of place and we saw it was wrapped tight to keep it from breaking and fracturing more. It could have been a friend, even a family member or a neighbor. Maybe it was just a total stranger.
Did we ever even think to ask if the person needed our assistance? Maybe we could have called the police department for them. Maybe, we could have asked if there was a relative that they could stay with. Maybe, we should have asked if they wanted to come into our home until we could get someone on the phone to assist them. Or, were we just thinking that it was not any of my business?
Thoughts start to run through our head. “No, I will not get involved”; “it has nothing to do with me"; and “it is not my issue”; “this is not my problem or my business”; “I have enough of my own personal problems”.
The reality is, this is our issue, and our problem. Domestic abuse happens every nine seconds in this country to some innocent person. If we are not there to assist those in need with this issue, then who will be there to assist us if we ever would need some help? We are all our neighbors’ keeper and watching out for each other is not such a bad idea. It brings us closer together as a society and allows us to become more aware of our surroundings. We should not be walking around with blinders on, or feel so superior that assisting someone in need is beneath us.
So what constitutes domestic abuse?
We know that Domestic Violence crosses racial, ethnic, age, and national origin, religious and socioeconomic lines. It doesn't matter where you came from or your educational level. It does not have to be physical. However, it is sexual, economical, psychological, assaultive and coercive behaviors used against an intimate partner.
What are some of the facts?
- Today. 1 out of every 3 women is in an abusive situation. Everyday in this country, more than 3 women are murdered by a boyfriend or their husband. (Bureau of Justice statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001 Feb. 2003)
- There are 324,000 women yearly who experience intimate partner violence during pregnancy. (Gazmararian JA, Petersen R, Spitz AM, Goodwin MM, Saltzman LE, Marks JS, Violence and reproductive health; current knowledge and future research directions. Maternal and Child Health Journal 2000)
- Men who are physically violent toward their partners are likely to use violence towards their Children. (Stauss, Murray et al, physical Violence in American Families; Risk Factors and Adaptations to Violence in 8,145 Families, New Brunswick: Transaction Publishers, 1990)
Signs of abuse are:
- Verbal abuse - constant degrading and criticism especially if done in front of others to bring about humiliation,
- Physical /sexual assault - will go on as long as you are present until you are murdered or pick up and leave.
- Controlling behavior- has a lock on your life. Tells you how to dress, when, & if you should attend work, monitors every move you make, and controls your money and children,
- Breaking, striking objects- gets satisfaction out of terrorizing you through destroying objects bringing you into submission,
- Jealousy - always needs you around him, keeping you from socializing with your own friends and family members,
- Violence and threats of suicide- makes threats and terrorizes you into submission.
The next time you see someone who looks like they are in need of assistance, please take a moment of your time and stop to ask this person if they would like your assistance. Step up to the plate and take charge of the situation.
Sometimes, an abused person may be walking around in a fog, not knowing were to go or what to do next. They are too traumatized to think straight and might need hospital care. You just might be the one individual who saves a life that day.
If you are in a relationship with any of these red flag signs, get help right away. Do not think for one moment that the situation will go away by itself. It never does, and it will only get worse as time goes by.
Call the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse and talk to someone who can assist and help you. Talking to a trained counselor can save your life and the life of your children. This service is available for you to use and it is a free call.
Beverly Edelstein
23rd Street Station
Beverly@23rdstreetstation.org